All of me

This past week was one of the biggest weeks for me. I feel like I have aged 10 years just in one week. I went through being overwhelmed, stress, fear, sadness, anger, tenseness, controlling, etc.....about every emotion a person can have as a defense mechanism.

I feel like my defense wall went way up this week. I wanted to guard myself from the emotions I was feeling. I have always turned "tough" when I don't think I can handle how I feel. I shut down and introvert myself. Trey can always sense when I am getting too tough.

There are a few things that I have learned that really changed my heart the past few days.

The Christian band Sanctus Real has a band member that had a son with Hypo plastic LEFT Heart Syndrome (London has RIGHT). Matt Hammitt wrote a few songs during his and his wife's battle with the heart journey.

He talked about the defense mechanism that they went through with all the uncertainty for their sons birth. He had all the feelings that I had and decided to turn it around. Its a choice how we live each day. You choose fear, sadness, irritation in your life. This song is about his decision to live life each day with no fear of whats to come. His child deserves all of him, no matter what COULD happen.


Afraid to love something that could break
Could I move on if you were torn away?
I'm so close to what I can't control, I can't give you half my heart and pray he makes you whole.
You're going to have all of me, You're going to have all of me
You're worth every falling tear, You're worth facing any fear
You're going to know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, but giving you all of me is where I'll start.

I won't let sadness steal you from my arms, I won't let pain keep you from my heart.
I'll trade the fear of all that I could lose, for every moment I'll share with you.
You're going to have all of me, You're going to have all of me
You're worth every falling tear, You're worth facing any fear
You're going to know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, but giving you all of me is where I'll start.

Heaven brought you to this moment, its too wonderful to speak
You're worth all of me, You're worth all of me
So let me recklessly love you even if I bleed, You're worth all of me.

You're going to have all of me, You're going to have all of me
You're worth every falling tear, You're worth facing any fear
You're going to know all my love, even if it's not enough
Enough to mend our broken hearts, but giving you all of me is where I'll start.

This song has been on repeat to me the past few days. I can chose to live in fear, sadness, irritation, and build walls or I can be living each day one second, minute, hour at a time. I will deal with things as they come, London deserves "all of me".

Each of you readers out there: go to bed tonight knowing you CHOOSE your day. You can choose happiness. None of us know our tomorrow, don't let fear guard you from life.