Lately our little family has gone through so many emotions. Some good & some bad. The past few weeks its really hit us how fast she will be here. We are so excited to see her but I don't have the natural feeling of a mother "just wanting her out". I go to doctors appointments and hear all the women say that and I just cant relate. I also can't relate to complaining about pregnancy. I know I can't stay pregnant forever, but sometimes I want to..just to know she's safe. Other days I want her to be here so some of the things people say will stop.
Being pregnant with a baby like London has taught me so much on how to be a friend to people in times like this.
We are SO grateful for all the support, prayers and people wanting to know everything about London's progress but sometimes people giving you random information, comparing health stories, saying they understand, or whispering when they talk to you like you are a whimpering flower with such a pitiful story is frustrating. Feeling "pitiful" is the worst. Theres nothing we can do about it. It is sad and unfortunate, it is absolutely not what you want for anybody..but it's already happened. I don't need to sound ungrateful or sassy but its just honesty. Too much is too much and honestly nobody knows how much we talk about in doctors appointments. I know TOO much.
Trey and I have had many conversations lately on how we've tried to almost shield ourselves from the emotions these next few months will bring. Its impossible but the human heart tries to build protection from hurt. We've got big windows for hurt coming up. I move to Dallas on May 17th to start my journey of being London's mom there. I won't move back to Oklahoma City until she is very clearly stable after her second surgery, the Glenn. It's hard to prepare a marriage for only weekend visits. We are 100% game for all we need to do for her best care but we also are stressed about missing each other. He's my best friend in this whole world and we have so much fun together. Our lives will for sure be different but it's our calling to give her the best care. I need to be close to the hospital and he needs to be here for his job. We will do it and come through stronger. "For better or for worse, in SICKNESS and in health."
Lately I shut myself off from information. I don't want to hear about hearts, I don't want to watch shows about hearts, I don't want to talk to anyone about this anymore. I have exhausted myself with all of that and you know what?? Shes not here yet so who knows if or what will happen. Talking about it is wasting my good energy that I need to handle all of this. Now is time to spend time with Trey, my puppy, get everything ready for her arrival and soak in days away from a hospital. I have around 4 doctors appointments a week (stress tests included) and that's where I leave the conversation of hearts. London's story will be different from all heart babies because every human body is different. Time with doctors is enough about hearts for now.
So, if you follow me on Facebook, Instagram, etc. you will see lots of husby/puppy lovin, swelling pregnant body, moving, and nesting! Lets worry about those hearts/ half a heart in about a month...
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